The Family Dog (On the Side-Haha) by Allison L. Williams Hill
Laughter and creative caregiving are inseparable elements. You need to laugh, to lighten the energy.
was helping or working on my beloved, I was so serious that I missed, in the moment,
the times he was attempting to make me smile or even laugh. Thinking about those moments only deepen my
love for him more. Despite what he was
experiencing he was thinking of helping me. When these thoughts surface again, I apologize to him, tell him that I love him and thank him.
Most people can benefit from a laugh
now and then. Laughter uplifts and
changes the inner chemistry of the body.
Laughter helps the heart; benefits the immune system; relaxes the whole
body and triggers endorphins. These are just a few of the things laughter
does. Photographs are things most people
have showing all types of activities at events, even if it is just a visit at
another home. Connecting memories with smiles and laughter is
extremely powerful because they are personal. They reach within the depths of
us, and evoke other related emotions. It
is a swirl of feelings that spiral throughout the energy felt in the heart and
Here are some jokes to lower your blood pressure, breathe more, and better manage your stress...and six reasons why you should think before you speak.
If anyone recognizes these jokes and know the source, please email me at email@example.com. Thanks.
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
“How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?”
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, “No, I'm just looking at your nuts.”
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands it was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, “No.“ I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said, “Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?”
“No,” he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,”Danny did you have an accident ?” This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled, “SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!” While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, In the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
“So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?”
Not only did HE have to leave the
set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote
to his wife in India. (You didn't know that Tuna was an Indian name? Neither did I.)
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.
Your loving husband,
His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.
Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.
5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses. Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance. Shall I plan the same for the next month?
Your Sweet Heart,
The moral of this story......
NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN.
A married couple is traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know
why the charge is so high. He told the
clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for
four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He
insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here", the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager
mentioned, the husband replied,
"But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is only made out for $50.00."
''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could
The boss of a Madison Avenue
advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a
particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood
the benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the purpose of the meeting
was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.
The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.
About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.
The top ten were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your winkie. This is your winkie on drugs.
Do you see the face? The huge nose? The eyes? And the impish grin? The hands and arms can be seen in two different ways or....the being has more than the normal two. Or...they are something else altogether.
elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in
Bonita Springs, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
'Who drives you to the beach?'
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their
retirement home in Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled
shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and
thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, “I can't hear a
word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.”